


The Paths We Take

by ungoodpirate



Category: Glee
Genre: Abortion, Gen, M/M, Pregnancy Scare, Trans Kurt, Trans Male Character, but other than these changes it is the same plot line of season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-20
Updated: 2013-04-20
Packaged: 2017-12-08 23:31:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/767367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ungoodpirate/pseuds/ungoodpirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was Kurt's pregnancy test, not Rachel's. Trans Kurt gets pregnant after fooling around with Blaine at Mr. Schue's bomb of a wedding. This is the aftermath. "Kurt feels like glass right now – see through and so easy to break, if someone dared smash him." Klaine, both friendship and romantic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Paths We Take

**Author's Note:**

> So this story was inspired from the Rachel pregnancy scare episode when Santana says something like “unless Hummel was a lady all along” which led to trans, pregnant Kurt in my head. A couple notes. I am cisgender, so hopefully I was able to write a trans character dealing with the type of issues Kurt is dealing with in a respectful way and in a way that does it justice. This story also deals with abortion, as you can probably see in the tags. Not graphically or anything, but if that makes you uncomfortable, you might not want to read this story.

Rachel pierces him with intense eyes, and it worries Kurt for they aren’t her regular, diva intense eyes, but ones that seem concerned for him. 

The top of their knees brush as she scoots closer to him on the couch. “Santana found a pregnancy test in the bathroom trash. She thought it was mine.”

Kurt’s jaw clenches, and Rachel barely sees it, but she sees enough. 

“I let her think it was mine,” Rachel says quickly, reassuring. “Kurt,” she says, placing a hand on his forearm. “It was positive.”

He releases his tightly held breathe through his nose and seems to physically deflate with it. “I know.”

“Oh, Kurt,” she says, like this confession finally made it real despite all the proof. She throws her arms around Kurt’s shoulders and pulls him into a hug. He doesn’t similarly wrap his arms around her, but sinks into her hold. 

“How?” she asks into his ear. 

He pulls back. “The normal way,” he answers, though he knows that’s not what she’s asking. “Blaine. Me. At the wedding.”

“Weren’t you safe?”

“Apparently not safe enough.”

“What’re you going to do?” Rachel inspects his face. “Or what have you already done?”

He curls an arm over his stomach, still flat of course. “I’m working up the nerve to call Blaine. I mean, I have to tell him. It’s Blaine.”

“You still love him.” It’s not a question.

“Of course I do,” Kurt says. “I never stopped. I’ve wanted to. I don’t know if I ever can.”

… 

Blaine picks up on the second ring. Kurt had intentionally called when he most knew Blaine to be free. 

“Kurt.” It’s all Blaine says, just his name. It’s all anxious and hopeful, and makes Kurt want to crumble in on himself. Kurt will not be able to give what Blaine wants or expects from this phone call.

“I have some news,” Kurt whispers into the phone. 

“Yeah?” Blaine’s voice has turned guarded. He can hear the worry in Kurt’s. 

“At the wedding.” His voice goes. He coughs to start it up again. “I’m pregnant.”

“Oh.” Blaine sounds like the wind has been knocked out of him. “Wow.”

“That’s one word for it,” Kurt says, turning on the sarcasm. He is, after all, afraid. 

Here’s the thing they both knew that they had made themselves dismiss. The condom broke. They both were sure they were clean. Kurt had only ever had sex with Blaine. Blaine had only ever had sex with Kurt and the boy he cheated on Kurt with – where he had been safe, and even after which he got tested. Kurt didn’t think he could get pregnant. Not with the T. Not with how irregular his period had become. 

“What do you want me to do?” Blaine says. Kurt’s hard-beating heart is relieved, but he doesn’t have an answer. 

“I just thought you should know.”

…

What he doesn’t expect is Blaine to be at his door the next day.

“What’re you doing here?” Kurt asks. His hand grips tight on the door handle. 

 

“I got a bus. And another bus.” Blaine’s breathe is panting, like he ran up the steps. He probably had. 

Kurt wants to kiss him. Wants to pull Blaine in and melt into him and be everything with him. But he can’t. As much as he can’t stop loving Blaine, he can’t fold Blaine back into his life. 

He steps back and lets Blaine enter the loft. He’s instantly guarded. He takes a long time closing the door before turning around to face the boy he traveled partway across the country because of a single phone call.

Blaine’s looking at him, more than looking at him. He’s examining, dissecting, and absorbing him. 

“How are you?” he says, and it’s a much more complicated question than it sounds. 

“I don’t know,” Kurt says, and it’s more accurate than it should be. 

Blaine approaches carefully, eyes wide. Close enough now, he grips Kurt’s arm with one hand.

“It’ll be okay,” Blaine says. It might be the biggest lie ever, but Kurt wants to indulge in it. He likes the warmth of Blaine’s hand on him much too much.

…

They sat on Kurt’s bed. It wasn’t intimate. They were both cross-legged and well apart. It was the first time Blaine had on this bed since the night he had come to New York and admitted to Kurt he had cheated. 

“I’m not ready to have a child.” Kurt twists his fingers in and around on themselves. “And I definitely have never wanted to be pregnant.” 

“I’ll support you in whatever you decide,” says Blaine. He reaches across the space between them and grips Kurt’s wringing hands. “And I’ll be there as much or as little as you want me.” 

Kurt removes his hands from Blaine’s light hold, disguising it as him shifting to lean back on his arms. He’s needs some space from Blaine, and everything Blaine is to him. 

“It’s still so abstract to me,” Kurt says. “I can’t tell I’m pregnant yet, but I got sick one morning with no explanation. I had to check.” It had taken him a few days after Rachel had confronted him with the found pregnancy test for him to call Blaine. It was her mentioning, just someone other than himself acknowledging it that made it real. Thankfully Rachel (“I’ll get my period soon and that will be the end of it” she told him) was covering for him with Santana, who didn’t know about him. Few people did. Rachel did, Mercedes did, and Blaine. 

Kurt was out as gay. Even people who hated him for his sexual orientation at least, maybe inaccurately, understood it. Less people would understand him being trans. There were other gay people who didn’t understand what it meant to be trans. And Kurt had a hard enough time being not being called all sorts of sissyphobic names as a fay gay man who saw little point in the separation of masculine and feminine. He didn’t think he could stand more people than already did, especially back when he was in high school in Ohio, not acknowledging him as a man. 

“I think,” Kurt starts. The answer is right in front of him, something he knows he wants to choose but has been afraid to acknowledge. “I think I want an abortion.”

…

Blaine goes with him to the clinic. He sits next to Kurt in the plastic chairs in the waiting room. Even holds Kurt’s hand when Kurt is done filling out the paper work. 

Kurt’s name is called, and Blaine asks, “Do you want to go with you?”

Kurt shakes his head. He needs to do this by himself. 

…

Kurt doesn’t think during the procedure, or he thinks a lot, just about other things. 

…

His name was always Kurt. Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. His mother thought it would be clever and original to give, what she perceived as, her daughter a traditional boy’s name. Burt was too star struck with his wife and the birth of his first child to protest much. This was the story Kurt had been told. 

Kurt liked the name Kurt. It is all boy, all sharp, firm letter sounds. Not even a speck of unisex to it. He knows from message boards and forums that there are trans people out there that choose new names, real names, even if their given name could pass from gender to gender. Kurt might be an oddity in keeping his, but he liked it. It was from his mother. 

His parents have been surprisingly accepting all his life. His dad, after his mom died, maybe even more so. Protective and loving, even when he couldn’t completely understand it all. 

…

Blaine knows just what to do. He knows to be silent on the return journey back to the loft. He knows Kurt is itching for space once he gets there. Knows not to question Kurt’s abnormally long time in the bathroom or his red eyes when he exits. He also knows when Kurt doesn’t need that space anymore. Knows to come into Kurt curtained off bedroom and curl up behind on him the bed. To wrapped a loose arm around Kurt, to let his hand splay over Kurt’s abdomen. He knows to do nothing more than that. To let Kurt make the next move. 

Kurt vaguely wonders if Blaine is upset Kurt aborted what would be his child. Wonders if Blaine is relieved, because he’s still in high school and this is way over this head. Wonders if Blaine is just as unprepared for this, presuming he would never get anyone pregnant as a gay boy. 

As he feels Blaine breathing on the back of his neck, he wants to cry again. It’s not that Kurt regrets what he had to do. It was just because it was so big. It was one of those rare life choices that is irrevocable. You can always transfer colleges or move to a different city or change careers or find another fish in the sea. But here he had chosen a path where he had lost something and all its potential attached goods and bads, even if it wasn’t something he wanted in the first place. 

And here through it Blaine had been perfect, supportive, and the calm. Kurt wasn’t sure that, if in some world, their situations had been reserved, that he could’ve been as good. It makes his heart swell and ache at the same time. 

“Why did you have to cheat on me?” Kurt asks in a whisper. It was the excuses he hadn’t wanted to hear not long ago, but now it was about reasons. It was about understanding. It was him needing to know the straw that broke them, when right here, right now, he can see how well they fit as a unit. 

Blaine pushes up on his elbow so he can properly look at Kurt. Kurt moves more onto his back so he can look back. “I regretted it the second after.”

“I know you did.” Kurt never doubted the amount of sorry Blaine felt for his actions. He blinks carefully, then asks what he hadn’t dared ask before, because it would hurt too much if it were true. “Was it because he was a real boy?”

“You’re a real boy,” Blaine protests. Kurt’s heart swell and aches again in tandem. This was love, and this was heartbreak. Blaine understood so well, cared for Kurt so much, and yet one betrayal fucked it all up.

“And it was never about that,” Blaine continues. “It will never be about that… I just felt so alone. Emotionally alone. Like you were moving on without me…”

Kurt reaches up and cups the side of Blaine’s face with one hand. It’s surprisingly intimate. Blaine tilts his chin into it. 

“I was just caught up in the excitement of the city. It’s everything I dreamed. But I promised, remember, that I would never say goodbye to you.”

Blaine nods, but doesn’t do much more. 

Kurt stares up at this boy he loves so much. He really is going to cry again. He has lots to say to Blaine about trust and the past and the present. 

“You can kiss me right now if you want to,” Kurt says, and Blaine perhaps looks a little shocked. “It doesn’t mean we’re back together,” Kurt continues, “But… it doesn’t mean nothing either. It always means something with you.”

 

It’s more gentle than anything else, their kiss. Like Blaine is handling glass. Kurt feels like glass right now – see through and so easy to break, if someone dared smash him.

It doesn’t last long, and they curl up back into their original positions afterward. Kurt feels something fresh trickling into his being. Trust – in Blaine. It both scares and excites him, because that was the missing piece. 

It’s not the time for brash actions or bold decisions, but Kurt settles more comfortably yet into Blaine’s embrace. Maybe this wasn’t a path to just endings.


End file.
